Sitting with Emotions
So, perhaps you’ve heard that in order to process your emotions, you need to sit with them - really feel them. What does this actually mean?
Often what we think is sitting with an emotion turns into focusing on the thoughts that run through our heads. Feeling anxious? Your inner monologue is a string of “what ifs?” that fuel your feelings of anxiety, fear and even panic. When you’re feeling low, or depressed, the thoughts that cloud your mind might be focused on regret over situations gone by or past pain that you haven’t been able to put down.
You might think to yourself, “well I sit with these thoughts, I can’t get away from them, so how is that not sitting with my emotions?!” It can be really tough to separate our thoughts from our feelings. If you’ve had any experience with one of CBT’s favourite tools - the 5 factor - this might sound familiar. We can look at four separate experiences that we have when we experience a shift in mood; thoughts, emotions, behaviours and physical sensations. In sitting with emotion, it’s most helpful to focus in on emotions and physical sensations, or what’s going on in our body.
By bringing our attention to our body, it can help us focus on the emotion itself rather than the story about the emotion, or our thoughts. For example, when you’re feeling sad, maybe that sadness shows up in your body as a heavy feeling in your chest, or a tightness in your throat. Staying with those physical sensations, without trying to change them is one of the best ways to honour your emotions. The key here is being non-judgemental, and as uncomfortable as it may be, not trying to change the emotion.
Emotions are energy in motion, and when we try to avoid or suppress them they have nowhere to go. Like trying to hold an inflated beach ball under water, as soon as we let go it comes racing back up to the surface. Our emotions are exactly like this; we can hold them under for so long, but when we become overwhelmed and don’t have the resources to keep it all together by white-knuckling life, they come roaring out of us. This can look like intense reactions to minor inconveniences that aren’t proportionate to the situation.
Sitting with emotions can be incredibly difficult, especially if it’s not something you’re used to doing. It can be helpful to remember that when we suppress uncomfortable emotions, it often also means not feeling beautiful emotions to their fullest either. Knowing this, it can be an easier way into the practice to start sitting with positive emotions like happiness, excitement and joy. Notice where they show up in your body and feel into them gently, paying attention to what happens to the sensation when you give it space to move through you. The more you practice this exercise, the more you build the muscle of body and emotion awareness, letting the energy of your emotions bring the messages they need to tell you. From listening to your emotions you can start to figure out what you need, but that’s a blog post for another day!
